Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize