Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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