i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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