dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
