so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
