And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
