New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
