I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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