its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
