My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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