Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
