I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
