Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
