why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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