Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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