he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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