dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
