We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
