Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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