Where did you get a picture of my penis
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
