party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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