i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
