i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
