I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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