Sry I called you an 8
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
