You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize