i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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