I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
