I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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