I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
