Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
