I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This house was built for laser tag.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
