my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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