My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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