Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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