She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
