she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
