I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
