Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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