So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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