just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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