Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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