WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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