I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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