Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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