She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
