the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
