There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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