Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
