I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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