Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Someone signed my nipple.
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