Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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