I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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