I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
