You can't special order awesome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
