Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
