I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this just has baby written all over it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
