I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
