guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
