The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
