If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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