she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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