I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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