Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
