if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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