Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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