I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
