I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
