Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
