i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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