this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
